Friday, 4 November 2016

An Open Letter To the People Who Like to Judge my Body

I think sometimes people forget that we are all human, that we all have feelings and that we can all get hurt by peoples comments, actions and judgements. For me what hurts the most is when others feel they have the right to say negative things about my body, to judge me on the way I look, I pass way too much judgement on myself that I don't have any need for anyone else input.

I've always had issues with my body and the way I look and I'm also aware that I'm certainly not alone, there are many girls, boys, men and women that struggle on a daily basis with the way they think they appear to others. There are definitely days where I don't want to look in the mirror for fear of what I'll see looking back at me. 

body-judgement


In the past I have fought through eating disorders and since becoming a mum I've battled with many a negative thought about myself, the sight of my stretch marks and sagging tummy is a hard one to bare on occasion but having not just kids but four daughters, my perspective on not only my own body image but how others perceive themselves has changed dramatically over the years.

These days my focus is on being strong not skinny, a popular quote in current months but it is a nice positive and motivational one. Some people are naturally slimmer, my eldest daughter is a prime example just as some people are naturally of a larger size and that's ok, no-one should want to be the same as the person next to them! We shouldn't be striving to be just like everyone else around us.

My goals have changed, I don't battle to fit in size 6 clothes, my aim is to be comfortable in my own skin so when certain people make comments like, "your too skinny", "are you sure you're eating enough", "you look like you're wasting away" and all similar sayings it really gets my back up. They talk as if I'm starving myself which just isn't the case but it does have me doubting myself which in turn makes me more than a little emotional.

What gives you the right to criticise? I go from feeling good about myself to questioning if I look ok. Yes I work out, yes I eat healthy food 80% of the time but that's my choice, my right! I really shouldn't have to explain or justify the reasons why my body looks as it does, we should all be allowed to feel comfortable in our own skin regardless of how we appear to look, our bodies are just that, ours. They are unique and wonderfully clever.

It is bad enough with the media putting pressure on everyone to look a certain way and the government determining what is the "right" thing to eat and who they deem obese, when people sometimes strangers, sometimes friends or family start piping up, I know I end up feeling like I can't do right from wrong and the sad thing is I am definitely not alone in my feelings. Maybe there should be more news articles praising peoples looks rather than simply putting them down to make themselves feel better about the way they look.

There is no 'right' size, big or small, short or tall, we are all unique and we are all beautiful in our own ways and this should be celebrated, there should be more positivity around the subject of our bodies, this shouldn't be something we shy away from. The amount of body shaming I've come across in recent years is shocking. Even down to criticising women's bodies when they are pregnant, a time when they should feel their best.

So to the people who like to judge my body I say this, maybe you should take a long hard look at yourself before you start talking about others. Think before you talk, would you appreciate those sorts of words aimed at you? If the answer is no maybe it's time to start changing the way see everyone around you. Perhaps it is time that we all begin to celebrate each other, a small positive comment, even something as simple as telling someone they look good in an outfit their wearing can go a long way.

Let us start changing the way we as a society perceive each other, I for one don't judge people by their bodies I get the measure of someone from their daily actions. Can you read this and say you're body positive?

12 comments:

  1. I'm not 100% body positive but I feel slightly better about my body now a days! It housed two beautiful girls and I hope would do it all again if I decided that was right for us :) I was far too skinny in my teenage years and I don't think I was confident then! So my quest is to be happy with what I've got! #pocolo

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    1. and what a wonderful quest to be on!

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  2. I think this is an admirable goal, and good luck with achieving it! Visiting from #PoCoLo

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  3. Well done for standing up to this and speaking out. It always amazes me what some people think is acceptable to say to someone. My 5yo daughter is quite petite but people (adults) call her things like "Skinny Minnie" which just makes me cringe - they're highlighting something that she is totally fine with at the moment, but if people keep mentioning it, she's going to think there's something wrong with the way she looks. #PoCoLo

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    1. That's it, ending up with a complex which is totally uncalled for!

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  4. Great post and very well said! People really need to think what they're saying before they make judgements. As a fellow woman on the slimmer side, I always wonder how they would feel if someone was making comments about a person being fat or putting weight on?! It would be completely unacceptable, of course, so why is it acceptable to comment on someone being slim?

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    1. my thoughts exactly, should be no different when the shoe is on the other foot as such!

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  5. 100% agree!! Having lost a lot of weight some years ago, I've had everything from "you clearly don't eat enough" to "I bet you don't enjoy your food" as though being slim is a crime and not something we should be happy with being. But I tend to find those comments are typically defensive... X #PoCoLo

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  6. I'm most definitely not body positive but I'm also not as down on myself as I was before children. No-one should be passing judgment on someone else's body, no one else will know the struggles we have faced, our own perceptions of self etc, and the harm that their comments may cause. We are definitely more than our physical shape x
    #PoCoLo

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  7. Totally agree - and people should think before they speak and like you say take a good look at themselves too. Strong not skinny is a great mantra - wishing you the very best to stay strong, especially when people forget their manners. Thanks for sharing with #PoCoLo x

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  8. Let's be real, if people had genuine concerns they wouldn't address them with a throwaway snarky comment - I hate to bring things back to the J word but self discipline is a very enviable thing, I know I'd like a bit more!#PoCoLo

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