Dear Daughters

Having four daughters, I can't help but worry sometimes about how things will be for them as they grow up. I think about situations/phases that I went through when I was growing up and it got me wondering just what I'd say to my younger self, how different things could have been if the future me could have had a few words in my ear.

The more my brain mulled these thoughts over, I realised that really it would be the same advice that I'd like to offer my own children now. So I'm writing an open letter to my girls in the hopes that one day they will read it and maybe appreciate the words that I've wrote.

Dear Daughters

Making Mummy Feel Guilty

I think as a mum, I was very lucky with my two eldest kids, they always slept through the night, they will eat anything you give to them. Even when it came to going to playschool and school, I didn't even get a goodbye, they just ran off and started making friends.

So when Gracie arrived I thought I knew what to expect, how wrong I was. She was like the polar opposite of her sisters. Up until she was a year old, I was the only one that could calm her down, she refused to go to anyone else, if she did she would just cry and cry some more. When it came to feed times, it was a daily battle to get her to take her milk, I thought things would get better when she started on solids but even now she eats like a sparrow and changes her mind on a daily basis on what she likes to eat.

The one thing she did was sleep through the night, this managed to keep me sane!

When she turned two she started to go to playschool with her older sister Freya, she was happy, went in like her sister without complaint. Playschool were always commenting on what a happy little thing she was, a far cry from what she used to be like as a baby. Even when her sister left and went to big school, she remained content, making friends and drawing lots of things to put on my fridge.

3 weeks ago this all changed and she has started breaking my heart on a daily basis. I don't know what happened, when we are walking to playschool she is all smiles, even as she is walking through the door, the smile remains, as soon as I go to leave, the bottom lip comes out. She has started to cling to me, the teachers have to pry her off of me and I have to listen to her scream as I walk out of the door. I hate leaving her like it but after 10 minutes or so she is fine and when I pick her up she is back to being her chirpy self. Myself and the teachers have tried to get to the bottom of the problem but all we get is that she doesn't want me to leave, I might be able to understand if she had always done this but it has come out of the blue and I feel extremely guilty leaving her upset.

I'm not quite sure how to go about rectifying the situation, it is something I've never dealt with before, seeing your children sad is a very difficult part of parenting, I really wish I had a magic wand sometimes!!

I'm hoping some of you lovely readers can offer some words of advice, perhaps you've dealt with a similar situation, or maybe you are going through the same thing as me now?? Would really love to hear from you.

xxxx

9 Months To Gain 9 Months To Lose

That is what people say isn't it. It takes you 9 whole months to put on weight when you are pregnant so therefore the theory is that it will take you 9 months to lose the baby weight once you have given birth.

Well my baby girl was 9 months old yesterday, so the question is, have I lost the weight??

I am one of the lucky people that can answer this question with the word yes!! Infact I am lighter now than what I was at sixteen years old. However I still haven't got the body that many women like myself desire.

Now maybe I'm being brave, maybe a bit stupid but I have added a photo of myself here. (try no to laugh). The thing I am most unhappy with is the dreaded "bum tum". This photo doesn't show it very well but trust me it's there. I'm hoping by me having to look at it, it will give me a bit of a nudge to carry on.

I know in my head, that all the stretch marks and saggy skin are all signs of creating my four beautiful children but it doesn't stop me wanting the "perfect" body. I admit, I am one of those yo yo dieters, forever falling off the exercise wagon but I have been trying my hardest since January to really get into shape and I am still searching for the solution to finally getting rid of my jelly belly.

Currently food wise I am sticking to relatively healthy diet, only eating bread a couple of times a week because it really bloats me out and upping my water intake. Exercise wise I am trying to do different ab work outs every day and I really enjoy going out for runs at the weekend.

My will power and motivation have been starting to slip again recently because, for me I'm not seeing any significant improvement. So I was hoping by putting it out there in the blogosphere that some of you lovely people might be able to offer some words of wisdom to keep me going??


xxxx

How to tell your children about someone passing away?

I hate to write sad posts but this seems quite relevant to me right now.

Recently an old family friend passed away from cancer and today I am attending the funeral. This time round it isn't anyone my children are really aware of so I haven't told them where I am going today, they are just excited to be going round to their friends house to play after school, so haven't really asked where I will be.

However it really got me thinking. People don't live on forever and unfortunately death is something we can't avoid. My own grandparents are quite old now and one day I am going to have to explain about someone passing away to my children but I really have no clue what I would say?

The first time I had to deal with a death was when my Grandad passed away, I was 15 years old. I was of an age where really I already knew what it all meant. I don't remember what I was told, I guess there wasn't a lot of explanation needed and I actually attended the funeral.

I had my children a lot younger than when my mum had myself and my brothers so I expect my children to be younger when they first experience someone passing away. My kids have always been very switched on so it isn't that I don't think they would understand, I think it is more that I don't want to upset them.  If I'm honest, I think this is one that I will probably leave up to Daddy Hazelden to explain, I think he is better with words than I am. The other thing which I will be unsure over, when is the right age to let a child attend a funeral, is there a right age?

It is one of those times where I wish there was a manual telling you what to do, I suppose with parenting there will always be tough times going along side the good times!!!

Have any of you had experience with this subject yet? What would you say?

xxxx

Weigh In

Yesterday I decided I would go and get Layla weighed. It got me thinking about how often I go and do this.

When my eldest was born I took her to get weighed and measured once a month, as a first time mum I think I was worried that I would get told off if I didn't.

When my second child came along I didn't get her weighed quite as often and never got her measured after the initial midwife checks. This I put down to having a toddler in tow so not as much free time on my hands.

When Gracie arrived, she was weighed a bit more in the beginning because it took her a while to regain her weight but after the first couple of months, it was just one on the list that I never got round to, even less time and not enough hands springs to mind.

And then we have Layla. She has been quite a sicky baby, so I get her weighed around every 6-8 weeks just to make sure she is doing alright.

It is funny how things change the more children you have, you know a little bit more with each child you have, you become a little bit more relaxed with things and I don't know about anyone else but I always feel like I am being told off by the health visitor for something because I don't follow all of the guidelines that are mentioned for parents.

How often do you take your children to get weighed?? Is it something you feel you need to do?? Would love to know your thoughts on the subject.

xxxx

 

Getting your child to take their medicine

This week poor little Gracie has ended up with a urine infection, which meant antibiotics were in order. These need to be taken 3 times a day for a week.

Now we adults know that this is necessary to make your child better but how do you explain that to a toddler that doesn't want to take her medicine?? She has already made it quite clear she is not a fan of the flavour they have given her, even though I have tried to let her know that unfortunately we were not given a choice!!

Even though I have had four children I have never found the solution to getting them to take their medicine without them either complaining, fighting or refusing to take it.

Does anyone have any good tips on this subject??

xxxx

 

Suffering with eczema

One of the things I passed on to my children was something I really wish I hadn't, eczema.

I suffered quite badly from it when I was younger, I was literally covered from head to toe in it, I itched constantly and it looked awful!!

My 7 year old and 3 year old had it mildly as babies but they seem to have grown out of it, so I am hoping for them thart it doesn't come back.

My 5 year old still has it but not as bad as me, it remains on the creases of her knees and elbows but I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it doesn't get any worse for her.

Then there is the baby of our family. So far she only has it in one place but I think it is the worst place, her face. Everyone always comments on how sore it looks and just give general looks of feeling sorry for her, which I hate because she is fine. At the moment we are using Eucerin but it is making little difference. However the constant change in weather and temperature really doesn't help, added in with a constant cold, her immune system isn't at it's best to fight it. It doesn't look to bad in this photo as the flash has taken the redness out but it covers the whole of both her cheeks.

I'm hoping the warmer weather arrives soon as that always seemed to ease my eczema.

Do any of your children suffer with eczema? Do you have any creams etc that you would reccomend?
Please let me know.

xxxx

Germs

I have found the only problem with having 4 children is that the germs spread like wildfire. I have them bringing germs home from school and playschool and the sickness just seems never ending.

Poor Layla has been fighting a cold and cough on and off since the Christmas holidays and this week the dreaded D&V entered the household :(

Not even a good spring clean has managed to banish the bugs!!! Roll on Summer I say.

How do all of you deal with illness in your households??

xxxx

Be Food Smart

I just received a Food Smart Meal mixer from Change 4 Life.

I have to say I'm impressed by how many meals are in there, breakfast, lunches and dinners are included. I don't know about anyone else but we always seem to end up with the same meals week in week out. I'm looking forward to trying out all of the recipes, the first one I am going to cook is the breakfast burritos!!!

What's even better, there is a calender on the back and it lets you know which vegetables and fruits are in season each month. 

These are free to anyone while stocks last so why not grab yourself one.

If you have one already, what meals have you tried?? What was your favourite recipe??

xxxx

Meal times

I was reading an article the other day about the amount of food that gets left over when children eat and what can get wasted. It got me thinking about the way we eat in our household.

Since my children were babies I have always tried to make it so that we all eat the same food and that I only cook one dinner. Sometimes this might not be possible if daddy is working late but majority of the time this is the case.

My kids can be very fickle sometimes and what they like one day they suddenly decide they don't like it the next. I don't then go and make something different for them as I know if they are hungry they will eat.

I don't always give my children pudding either as I see this as a treat, not an every day thing. And they certainly don't get pudding if they don't eat all of their dinner.

I am very lucky that 9 times out of 10 my children will eat all of their dinner and more if let them, they are not ones to let things go to waste, infact my children normally eat more than I do.

So what are meal times like in your house, do you have certain rules you stick to, do your children get pudding evry day?? Let me know your thoughts.

xxxx

The great weaning debate

So I am now going through my 4th time of weaning and every time I have done it guidelines have changed, there is new advice and it seems to get more and more confusing.

Now I am a firm believer that every child is different so must be treated as individual so guidlines are just as they say guidelines.

My 1st and 2nd were weaned around 3 and half months as adviced by the doctor because they were such hungry babies and the amount of milk they were taking is ridiculous. I went down the root of starting with purees. However a lot of you will read this and think I must be a bad mother for not sticking exclusively to milk for 6 months. Both Elise and Freya are happy and healthy and will eat anything and everything given to them.

Then I have my 3rd child, my lovely Gracie. She was weaned around 6 months but it was a very difficult process. She was never a fan of her milk, I always struggled to get her to take it and she was exactly the same with her food. I decided to try BLW (baby led weaning) mixed with a bit of mashed food. To this day (she is almost 3) she is a very fussy child, picks and chooses when and if she likes something. Still the amount of people I have heard say if you wean early you will get a fussy eater, well it seems to be the opposite in my house.

Then I have Layla. I started to wean her at 17 weeks because again the amount of milk she was taking seemed to be excessive and more often than not she was sicking some up. I started with just mashing food up and now at 24 weeks she is already eating the same food we are just cut down smaller. She is also beginning to pick up food and feed herself.

I can say that all of mine have always been fed with fresh homemade foods, I know not always convinient to do for all families but I am lucky to be a SAHM and I have the time to do this.

As you can see, my children have all been different but all of them are happy and healthy, I think some children are just destined to have allergies, problems with food. I don't think this necessarily depends on when and how you wean them.

So what is everyone elses thoughts, what route have you gone down, have you done the same thing for every child?? Let me know your thoughts as I am genuinely interested.

xxxx

Weight loss, what really works??

So 3 days on and I am still sticking to my resolution of losing weight, go me!!! :)

What I want to know is how does everyone else go about it?? There are so many fad diets out there, do they really work or are they all just quick fixes??

I personally don't stick to a diet as such, I just try to maintain a healthy balanced diet along with exercising when I can. I think a little bit of what you like is healthy as I find if I try to cut the junk food out completely I only want it more. My major downfall is eating of an evening time, so I am trying to have things like nuts, carrots sticks etc handy just incase I decide I am a bit peckish.

It is the exercise I struggle with most, with 4 kids to look after I struggle to fit it in, although I find wearing my youngest in a wrap/ sling seems to be a workout in itself.

So any tips for me?? Anything that definitely doesn't work?? Let me know.

xxxx

Tummy time

As I write this Layla is on her playmat enjoying a little tummy time but it got me thinking does everyone do this with their babies, is it a necessary thing??

I'm not really sure to be honest, it is just something I have done with all of my children and I couldn't really tell you why I've done it either, maybe half because of what I've read in books/ on the internet whilst pregnant. I just see so many people commenting about it, how if you don't do it it can delay certain skills that you child will develop etc. It just seems like another one of these things that us mums get pressured into doing and if we don't do it we are considered bad mothers. What about those poor babies that really hate to be on their tummies??

So do you do tummy time with your babies?? If you haven't do you think it has affected the way they have developed?? Genuinely interested. All of mine have been very early doing everything, little miss independents but I don't know whether this is because of anything I have done or whether this is just the way they are made.

xxxx

The do's and dont's in pregnancy

I have been reading over the weekend about Stacey Soleman being pictured smoking whilst 7 months pregnant and it got me thinking about all these rules you are told to follow when pregnant, how many people really stick to them??

There are so many things when you are pregnant that you are told you can't or shouldn't eat, drink or touch and these guidelines seem to change on a yearly basis.

Now I tend to stick to most of them but mainly because most of the things we are told not to eat I don't eat when not pregnant anyway. One of the rules that has always confused me is not being able to eat peanuts. This is a prime example of things changing because recently rules have changed and they say it is alright to have nuts in pregnancy as long as there is not history or allergy, eczema, asthma etc in the family. Throughout my past three pregnancies I always avoided peanuts because there are a lot of skin conditions and asthma that runs in my family however all three of my daughters have developed eczema anyway so this time round I have decided to allow myself peanuts as I don't think it poses a danger to my unborn child. I must also admit I have eaten a runny egg :s

There are certain guidelines that I didn't know in my first pregnancy and even my second and third pregnancies I was still learning more. I never used to aware that you aren't supposed to have hot baths when pregnancy and I wasn't really aware about lowering your caffeine intake but my daughters were born absolutely healthy so it makes it difficult to know what to do for the best. 

I never drink alcohol in pregnancy and that's not to say I am against others having the occasional drink when pregnant it is just I can't shake the feeling that if I were to have a drink something might happen to my baby as there is no good research to show you the proper affects.

Do you think health professionals are over cautious or do you think what they say is right?? Do you stick to everything they say or do you use your own judgement for things??

xxxx

Sickness

Well the dreaded lurgy has hit the Hazelden household. Was all prepared for a nice relaxing weekend and instead ended up cleaning up sick and holding hair back, not my idea of fun I can tell you. It is the one thing I don't cope with very well so I was lucky to have daddy hazelden around really.

Luckily the two youngest ones escaped for now but they had to put up with a poorly mummy and daddy which is never a good thing.

Now I never know what to do for the best when someone has been sick, I have always had conflicting information since I was young. My mum always said it was best not to eat for 24 hours after being sick so as not to feed the bug in a sense but then when searching on the internet it says it is fine to eat after being sick. Well the husband decided to give Elise some toast after being sick and I bet you can guess what happened, yep she brought it straight back up so I am inclined to follow my mums advice. The other one I always hear about is drinking flat coke.

Have any of you got any remedies/ tricks that work for you?? Have you caught the sickness bug already this year??

xxxx

Would you choose a c-section

Well I thought seen as it was doing the rounds again I would join in the debate of women being allowed to opt for a c-section instead of giving birth naturally.

When I think about giving birth to my children, I remember it being one of the best experiences of my life despite the pain. It is a wonderful and natural thing for a mother to bring a child into the world. I never even considered a c-section, infact when in labour with my first, I wasn't progressing, there was talk of a c-section and this upset me a lot!!! I felt cheated enough that I didn't get the water birth that I so longed for.

Now I am all for a c-section when it is medically necessary as that is what is best for mother and child ie if something goes wrong in labour and baby needs to come out quick or baby is breach..... Not however because a lady is scared to give birth naturally or "too posh to push". It is a serious surgery and is by no means an easier option as the recovery afterwards can be long and hard, sometimes women even struggle to hold their children afterwards. And there is always the worst case scenario that you end up with an infection after surgery.

Even after you consider all these factors people seem to be forgetting the cost of performing all of these surgeries and then what happens when an emergency c-section comes in but the operating theatre is already busy with an elective c-section??

I think you can see what side of the fence I am on. What about the rest of you, do you agree or disagree??

xxxx

Snack Time

Well in my house the kids have been brought up to have three meals a day and one or two snacks a day.

The trouble is I am running out of ideas of what to give them for a snack that isn't too expensive. I give them sweets sometimes but I like them to have the healthy option more often than not. You would think after having three children that I wouldn't have a problem with coming up with ideas.

My snack list at the moment consists of raisins, dried fruit, cereal bars, crackers, dry cereal like cheerios, carrot and celery sticks, fruit, then I start to lose steam. I get bored by having the same things all the time so I'm sure the kids do too. Always nice to have new things to try.

What about everyone else, do you opt for the healthy option more often than not or is snack time more treat time in your house?? What do your kids ask for??

xxxx

What is the secret????

Well after almost 6 years and three children I still haven't found the secret to keeping a clean and tidy house whilst entertaining a child, especially when the child happens to be teething.
Every day I start out with all the good intentions of getting the house work done but by the end of the day I always seem to have more to do than what I started out with.! This I feel is because of one word........ Mama.
How can I ignore that word, especially when I look at the little person of whom the word came out of.
Does the solution really exist or are all us parents out there destined to have half tidy houses until the kids get older?

xxxx