You Only Get One Life, Don't Let Others Tell You How To Live It

Whether you are an adult or child, you should be entitled to make certain decisions for ourselves. These could be the food you eat, the clothes you wear or the toys, games etc that you want to play with. The underlining idea is that those choices should ultimately be yours to make. 

I'm honestly sick to death of all of the arguments and debates that I see plastered all over the news and social media on the constant, the government telling us what we can and can't do, people trolling the internet quick to tell us we are wrong in how we do certain things.

Taking Care of The Bullies

I think one of my biggest worries when my kids started school was the thought of bullies. Both my older and younger brothers were bullied at primary school, I was the one to stand up to them and resolve the problems, but really it shouldn't have been me stepping in.

But my confidence and attitude ended up being a good thing in these situations at the time. Trouble is in this day and age the bullies seem to be worse than ever, not only doing things in person but online too, with the schools unable to step in like you'd want them too.

Up until now I've had minimal issues with my kids and their friends, yes they've had fall outs/arguments but really they have been petty and quickly resolved.

My 5 year old is child liked by all and so laid back that nothing phases her, a quality I admire in her.

Then there's my 7 year old, she has inherited my overall attitude and confidence, something which I am sure will bite me in the bum when she hits teenage years but for now she'll be the first to let you know what she's thinking and feeling so I always know what is going on.

What To Do With Myself Now The Kids Are Getting Older?

Next week the girls go back to school and Layla will start doing more hours at playschool now that she receives 15 free hours each week. This is a huge help to us not having to pay for playschool right now as the husbands wages have gone down yet the bills have predictably gone up. It was also a huge reminder of just how fast my children are growing up!

Banish The Small Print

I don't know about you but I am thoroughly fed up with the dreaded small print that can be found on letters, online, even on adverts that you see on the TV.

Personally I think that the small print should be made redundant.

I'm sure I am not the only one that has been caught out for not reading through policies as closely as I should and of course companies take advantage of this, it's like their "get out of jail" card.

To Chop Or Not To Chop, That's The Question!

To chop or not chop that is the question!! It seems to have been the trend over the past year to go from super long hair to medium/shoulder length hair, atleast for the celebrities among us anyway.

Me, I've gone from long to short more times than I can count. I remember when I was around 10 years old that my hair was actually past my bum and I went ahead and chopped it all off, well almost all, I ended up with a below chin length bob. Quite extreme, something I certainly regretted after doing it.

The collage below shows a few styles I've rocked been seen with over the years. It was actually after posting my first ever profile picture on FB the other week that I started considering a change, a few friends commented on how nice my hair had looked, it's the second one down on the right on the picture below.

Talking About 'That Time Of The Month'

Women all get 'that time of the month' eventually yet we all seem embarassed to say what it actually is. A period!!

It's a simple word that seems to have become taboo. I've heard it called so many things over the years and most sound worse than using its actual name. I mean who really wants to know that your 'on the blob' or that you've 'got the painters in'.

Lets be honest, it is a natural process that most women have to endure atleast a few times a year and although not something enjoyable, it is also not something to be feared.

I don't know when it became a subject to be avoided but I do remember when I started mine and not knowing what the feck was happening to me.

See my mum never sat me down and gave me 'the talk' and she never explained what changes would happen with my body, not sure why, feeling awkward and not knowing how to start the conversation maybe?

30 Things To Do Before You're 30

This year I turned twenty nine, meaning I have less than a year before I reach the grand old age of thirty. Ok, I know age is but a number but it's had me thinking recently about all the things I've achieved in life so far and the dreams that still remain. Have I missed some vital moments, are there things that I need to get ticked of the "bucket list"?

Whilst deep in thought, I also put a question to some fellow bloggers,  what are the 30 things you recommend doing before you turn 30?

Between myself and them, I've managed to compile quite a list. It is filled with the expected, the not so expected and the down somewhat outrageous. Take a look and see how many you can tick off :

1. Have children. I definitely achieved this, 4 daughters later and I've done more than my bit for the worlds population.

2. Fall in love. This happened early on for me, I was 18 and it was almost love at first sight. Over 10 years have passed and the love continues to grow.

The Last Step Towards Independence

Layla was my last child. It doesn't seem two minutes ago that I gave birth to her yet now she is a fully fledged little person, no longer a baby. She walks, talks, feeds herself and rarely uses her pushchair anymore. My youngest daughter took her last steps towards independence the other day when she said goodbye nappies and hello knickers, that's right completely potty trained, day and night.

Potty training has definitely been interesting and all of my children have been so different with their approach so I  just wanted to share with you 5 easy tips to make the experience better for both parent and child.

There are the usual signs to look out for :

* They know when they have got a wet or dirty nappy.

* They might tell you when they are weeing or pooing, so they have good communication skills.

* They may be drier for longer periods of time.

Now this might be a good time to start trying but this doesn't necessarily mean that they are ready.

Free School Dinners, Not As Good As They Sound

This month saw all key stage one children in English schools given the chance to eat a hot meal at school for free every day.

The scheme is expected to save parents like myself £400 a year per child.

Now in theory this sounds great but I'm not convinced.

Here are just three reasons that have me questioning the scheme and its intentions.

The Cost

Well we are told it is free but lets be honest, nothing where the government is concerned is really free. I mean we'll be paying for this through our taxes.

And in that case I'd like to know why school meals can't be free across the board.

At the moment I have three children at school, one in reception, one in year 2 and one in year 4. Meaning that two of my children get free meals whilst the other I'd have to pay for.

This something I can't afford, now for some it might not seem a lot of money to pay out but to me it is, I just can't budget in another bill. This means that my eldest has to have a packed lunch, luckily she is an easy going child and doesn't mind.

However I'm sure there are children out there who wouldn't be so happy if put in the same situation.

It was general secretary Christine Bower that said, "children do not stop being hungry at seven years of age".

Moving Back In With The Parents

When I moved out of my mum's house almost 10 years ago I never thought in a million years that I would find myself back there.

But here I am, sat on my mum's sofa writing this post.

Unfortunately our landlord decided to sell our house earlier this year and this meant we needed to find somewhere else to rent.

Trouble with 4 children we couldn't just move into any home.

At the minimum we needed atleast a 3 bedroom house with 2 double rooms, something that seemed to be hard to come by.

And even when we did find houses that appeared suitable, they were either too expensive, too far away or just in unacceptable condition.

The council weren't willing to help because according to them, Justin earns too much.

How Much Pocket Money?

So today I am busy moving house so the lovely Kate from Family Fever has stepped in to provide you with a post to get you thinking……

I read an article recently saying that the average child in the UK receives £12.74 a week in pocket money.

Now, I know that pocket money is always going to vary from family to family and area to area. But to me, that seems a lot? 

My children are 8, 6 and 1. We put money into their savings accounts each month, but I don’t see that as ‘pocket money’. 

The older 2 get £1 a week, and there is the potential to earn a little bit more if they help with some of the bigger household jobs such as washing the car, weeding the garden and hoovering their rooms. 

See, I did the maths. £12 a week equates to more than £600 a year, per child. I have 3. And I simply don’t have £1800 a year to give to my children. 

Do We Baby The Baby?

I have four daughters and I thought that I had always brought up all my children in the same way, I liked to think that I treat them all equally and fairly. My now 20 month old daughter was our last baby, much to my disappointment and thinking of recent events have actually shown me just how differently not only myself, but others have treated my youngest daughter on occasions, compared to my other children. And my question is do we baby the baby?

I know all babies are different and we shouldn't compare but as a mum, I just can't help it. I have always brought my daughter's up to be indpendent. My kids have always done things at roughly the same times in their lives, crawling at 7 months, walking at 10 months, drinking out of a proper cup at 15 months, sleeping in a "big" bed by 18 months and all potty trained by 2 and a half. Don't get me wrong they weren't made to do any of these things but I wasn't shy about encouraging them either.

I think I always subconsciously knew that I would be having another child so I made sure the older sibling was well prepared in a sense, like they would know that they wouldn't be the baby anymore.

However this time round there doesn't seem to be that need to get the baby to do things. It isn't that I want to keep her young forever, I have always loved my children growing up, achieving each little milestone, I'm just not in as much of a hurry about it all.

Lets Talk About The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

I read an emotional post from a fellow blogger yesterday and it got me thinking (dangerous thing to do) that in general we seem to only talk about the good things that happen in our lives. Even in this day and age I'm finding that the sad times, the harder, grittier subjects tend to get glossed over, made to look better or just ignored completely. I include myself in this, as I've struggled to be honest with people about how I feel, nine times out of ten you will see me with a smile on my face regardless of the things I have dealt with on any given day or what thoughts are floating around in my head. I think it is high time that we were able to talk about the good, the bad and the ugly, I mean whats the worst that can happen?

I think one of my problems when it comes to talking is that I get embarrassed. I'm sure my friends and family really wouldn't bat an eye lid at half the things that I have to say and that they would just be happy to help. Infact I am one of these people that love to help, I'm great at giving the advice but not so good at taking it.

What's the saying, "it's good to talk".

Does this feeling ever go??

Recently I have begun to feel quite sorry for myself, not that anyone else would know or even realise.

Layla turned 15 months old just over a week ago and it is around about this age that Daddy Hazelden and I would start trying for another baby, that's not the case this time round though.

Daddy Hazelden had a vasectomy a couple of months after I gave birth to Layla. At the time I agreed to him having it done, all be it very reluctantly, it was the "sensible" thing to do.

Trouble is, as predicted, I am now feeling extremely broody again!!!

Thinking with my head I know having another child wouldn't be the right thing to do for many reasons including the increase of money being spent and because there wouldn't be enough space in our current home.

However my heart feels differently, the complete opposite in fact. People tell me I'm mad when I say that I could quite happily have another baby.

I don't know what makes me feel this way, I keep searching for answers in the hope that I can make the feelings vanish.

I've asked myself :

Is it because I never had a boy? But honestly I would be quite happy with a netball team of girls so I don't think it is that.

Is it because I never got the water birth that I so longed for? I don't think so because I am just grateful for the child that comes out happy and healthy at the end.

Maybe because I never got to give breastfeeding a fair try? Again when I really think about it, yes it would have been nice to do it for longer than a week but it isn't the be all and end all

Or maybe just maybe it is because I was born to be a mum.

When friends and family announce that they are having babies, of course I am more than happy for them but that feeling is tinged with jealousy because I wish it could be me.

My baby just isn't a baby anymore, she is morphing into a toddler before my eyes and it really upsets me that I will never get to experience all those first moments again.

So what I really want to know is, does this feeling of wanting another child ever go away??

xxxx

How come they get a day off??

So my two eldest daughter's came home yesterday with a letter informing me that next Thursday, the 17th of October, that half of their schools teachers will be on strike.

It means that Elise will be able to go in as her teacher isn't striking but Freya will miss out on a days education because her teacher deems it necessary to have that day off. I get that teachers work hard and I don't necessarily agree with the idea of performance based pay etc , but in all seriousness what do they think this strike is going to achieve?

The letter that was sent home to us, is making out like this strike is based on the fact that they care about our children and they think the government is putting unrealisitic pressure on our kids to reach targets, we all know that isn't the real reason they are striking, if they cared that much surely they would see that the children losing a days worth of valuable education isn't a solution to the problem at all.

I am very fortunate to be a stay at home mum, meaning that I am lucky enough to be around to look after my children but what about working parents? Some now need to lose a days pay because they will have to take a day off from work themselves to look after their children.

This whole thing really annoys me. If we were to take our children out of school for a day that wasn't because of an illness, at the very least it would be frowned upon and for most of us, it would be mean that we would be charged a fine as it would be unauthorised.

So how is it that teachers are able to get away with having a day off of school, how is that acceptable, surely the rules should work in reverse?? I think what they are doing is extremely irresponsible.

My 5 year old is now asking me why she can't go to school on Thursday when her sister can and I just don't know what to tell her.

Are any of your children having to have a day off from school next week because of teachers striking? What do you think about the whole situation??

xxxx

How can we save money?

It doesn't seem to matter whether we are earning very little or more than the average person, we always seem to be struggling. If you earn too little, benefits etc don't seem to cover things, if you earn too much, tax takes away half your wage before you have even got it in your bank account.

Money is the main thing that Daddy Hazelden and I always argue over, we don't mean to but it definitely causes us to stress sometimes. I really do believe money is the root of all evil!!! We recently had a major struggle when Daddy Hazelden was out of work for a month, we have always lived to our means, so when that wasn't there anymore, it was very tough for a while.

I am a big budgeter so it isn't that we just go throwing our money around and wasting it, I calculate things to last penny, meal planning and buying cheaper alternatives, yet we still manage to come up short more often than not.

Things aren't helped by the cost of day to day living seeming to be permanently on the up and even when trying to be careful how we use ammenities like water, gas and electric, it doesn't change a lot in the end because they only go and increase the cost of it!!

I know we are definitely not the only family in this situation. I think it is hard because we always want better for our kids than what we had, even if what we had wasn't really that bad.

I'm always on the look out for new ways to save/earn more money especially with Christmas on the horizon.

Some things I do to cut down on costs and save money :

* Buy things second hand - whether that be from local selling sites, ebay or even charity shops there are some bargains to be found.

* Buy food in bulk - if there are offers on things like bread, meat etc, buy more and store what isn't needed yet in the freezer

* Buy cheaper alternatives - not everything you have to buy needs to be the top brand name, honestly they taste the same, just look at the aldi adverts!!

* Shop around - this goes for food, toys, clothes, utility bills - compare the prices of things before buying, you could save yourself a pretty penny.

* Swapping toys, books etc - I don't take credit for this idea, some of my friends came up with this concept in an attempt to bring down the cost of Christmas -  this way your kids get something they didn't have before and all it has cost is postage.

* Get out the blankets, jumpers and hot water bottles - I have seen a lot of people already saying they have turned their heating on and with the cost of gas and electric constantly on the rise, this could become expensive. So instead, put another layer of clothing on, snuggle up together under a blanket or pop that hot water bottle in your bed.

I think in the long run it is good to try and save as much money as we can and a good thing is, is that it shows our children a little bit about the value of money too.

When my girls have pocket money to spend, they will pick a few things that they want and I will point out that the cost and that for instead of buying so and so they could buy two or three different items, stretching the pennies out further. Now when they get money from the "tooth fairy", they pop it in their piggy bank and save it until they have a few more pennies to spend. Small things but every little helps as they say.

What other money saving tips do you lovely readers know, would love if it if you could comment and share.

xxxx

Give Us Mums (and dads) A Break

Whilst on twitter the other night, I joined in a conversation with some lovely ladies, they were using the hashtag #givemumsabreak. There are days when I really wish this was possible although it isn't just mums, there are dads out there that have a tough time  and deserve a break too.

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love being a mum, I think I was put on this earth for the purpose of being a mum and if I could have more kids I would, having the opportunity to stay at home and enjoy watching them grow up is something I am very grateful for. However I do feel that I need a break sometimes, just some of the illusive "me time". It wasn't until I had to a challenge with my BabyBag that I realised just how little time I get to myself.

Others will say, "well you chose to be a parent", yes they are right I did but I am only human, I get tired sometimes and I get ill on occasion, contrary to popular belief we mums and dads are unfortunately not super heroes.

People who go out and work get weekends off, annual leave etc, they get time to sit down and relax, parents on the other hand don't get this luxury, being a parent is a full time job in itself and I don't think others understand how hard it can be until they become a parent themselves. The job as parent is never done, even when the kids are in bed, if you are anything like me, you are on high alert incase one gets poorly in the night.

Since becoming a mum, I have felt rather lonely and isolated at times. I've lost touch with friends along the way as whilst I was at home with my kids, they were still out clubbing etc. I feel like I have lost my identity somewhat. Yes I am a mummy but I think some people forget that I am more than that, I am mummy to my kids but to others I should be Chantelle, it would be nice to have the chance to maybe find myself again.

Recently Daddy Hazelden started a new job and this has meant him staying away from home a few nights a week. I have to applaud single parents as I didn't realise just how much not having him there would affect things. Not having him there to back me up when the kids misbehave and the luxury of having an adult conversation, it has a been hard adjusting to the change.

This is where I am glad that I blog and that I chat with others on both Facebook and Twitter because I think without these people, I may have gone slowly insane, nice to know there others that understand how you feel and not judging you for wanted to hide away sometimes.

So what do you think, should we be given a break?? Do you as a parent manage to balance things so that you get a bit of "me time"? x

xxxx